The stages of the life cycle of the backyard mechanic are varied and interesting.

• The first stage is called "The searching" .... The mechanic looks for his tools in many places including the refrigerator. (It's where the beer's at). The time it takes him to find them is figured by multiplying the time it takes him to lose his temper by three.
• The second stage is called "The Wrenching" ... the mechanic takes a wrench and tries to remove a bolt that is not as strong as the wrench. Moments later, He discovers the error only after he leaves a sizable portion of his knuckles on the engine block.
• The mechanic next enters "The Dropsy" and spends a considerable amount of time burning and coating himself with grease while searching for various tools in the labyrinthian maze under the hood.
• Next comes "The oiling" ... The mechanic drains the oil and pours in the new and then notices that he forgot to replace the oil plug and is standing in the oil puddle.
• Then comes "The short-lived triumph" . The mechanic sits behind the wheel, nervously he turns the ignition. The engine starts up smoothly but then "Crunch!" ... Too late, he realizes he left his brand new CD boom-box too close to the engine fan. With a look of ashen horror he rushes to the front of the car to discover that it has been fully digested. In fury he kicks the tire and makes an interesting discovery ... That he can remove a hub-cap with his foot!
• At this point the mechanic decides to take the car to someone who does know what they are doing and this marks the final stage in the life cycle of the backyard mechanic.